p90x-iest

My cousin Jenni was gracious enough to lend me her p90x program while she's pregnant and I am super pumped to get started. Today marks DAY 1 of my 90 days, I even took some BEFORE photos. Even more amazing is that I even considered posting those photos. But then my thighs went all Mariah Carey on the idea and well, now you'll have to wait for DAY 30 so I can show some results first. Here's how I see your inner monologues going:

YOU: "oh man, I had no idea she was hiding all that...oh god, good thing this isn't a movie...I'm eating over here...poor thing...how does she have the strength to stand? she has two back muscles! oh wait, no, just one...that's a shadow... are those paint samples behind her? I wonder which one they went with, that one looks really grey... does she want to sleep in a rain cloud or something? Maybe James picked it... I wonder which facial hair configuration he's rocking today...I miss the chin-strap..."

**Scrolling down**scroll**scroll**McScrollington

YOU: "whoa. This is only 30 days later?? My god, she looks like she could bench me! She probably benches James! Is that...baby oil?? I better not make her angry...I probably wouldn't like her when she's angry... looks like they still haven't painted either..."

FIN

you travel like a real Boo, you know that?

My travels, though somewhat limited, have always been quite smooth. Never a major delay, never a missed or cancelled flight, never a lost bag. The occasional shampoo bottle explosion sure, but I mean, come on...that's just physics. Not until I started travelling frequently with James did I discover that a black hole of shitty travel surrounds him, and when you travel with him there is no avoiding it. Not even time escapes.

So there we were, all bright-eyed and bushy tailed, at the Boise airport on our way to Tulsa, Oklahoma for the BSU game that evening. We should have known better really. We didn't even make it past the ticket counter this time before his travel voodoo started in with the pins.
"Ah, yes, looks like your flight out of Denver has been delayed 4 hours..."
"Awesome, so we'll get there around halftime...that's great because I started feeling like maybe the whole game would be too much football"
Cue James dropping the F bomb all the way to the security check point, cue me trying to distract him by making small talk about the Tulsa offense...no dice, he saw right through me. From his trusted utility belt James unleashes his Blackberry, conditioned to search for flights in but the raise of an eyebrow. While we mulled over the option of buying two more seats on another flight at $250 a pop we consulted some bloody marys. Mine didn't say a whole lot, probably because I didn't give her much of a chance but James' seemed to calm him right down. We decided to take our chances with the flight we had and left Boise (home of the $13 "but it's a double, sir" Bloody Mary) anxious and $26 lighter.
Lo and behold, upon arriving in Denver we discovered that our plane was just a smidge behind schedule and that the nice man working the Frontier counter in Boise struggles reading military time. 14:00 is 2 o'clock not 4...
We had a great time in Tulsa and Kansas City, despite the Broncos great attempts to cause otherwise. It was nice to see where James had run off to for half a year after graduating, always keeping in mind, however, how grateful I am that he was so unhappy there and came back to Boise to fall in love with me. I really owe him one. All in all, my whole take on the midwest: his friend Pat was funnier than I had anticipated, a whole lot more trees than I expected, it doesn't RAIN it MISTS on you, the food is fantastic and the portions are out of control.

**This tale is MILD in comparison to our adventure down the PCH and Baja Mexico last Spring...alas, I don't have the energy to get into that one right now. That and the pictures of me are terrible...let's just say I've got the fine wine thing going.

An Ode to the Chin-Strap

Iconic James: big Chevy truck, sleeveless shirts, tribal tattoos, Bud Light and the chin-strap...

James once vowed to me that I would never, EVER see his naked chin and jawline. He had convinced himself that without the definite border the chin-strap beard provided his neck would immediately annex his face. Like all good women I took this as a challenge; I would be the only one to ever see what lieth beneatheth the chin-strap. I think I pleaded with him for over a year to shave it off, the curiousity was consuming me. What's he hiding under there? I think he has a chin, I mean it looks like he has a chin...could he have lost his chin somehow?? How dare he tell me never, EVER...

Then, all of a sudden, last winter James had a fateful conversation with an electrician working at one of his installs and the chin-strap paid the ultimate price. Almost as quickly as it entered my life, it left and now James has vowed to never, EVER grow another. My man is smokin' hot regardless of facial hair configuration, I just wish I had gotten the chance to say goodbye. I fell in the love with that fantastically manicured beard and I just don't deal well with being told never, EVER...

O' chin-strap, O' chin-strap

I always knew where to find you,

the silver lining of my boyfriend's face

a beacon in the night, a comfort in the light

I know you're still there,

somewhere between the cheek and neck hair.

R.I.P. chin-strap

your guess is as good as mine...

So there I was...3 o'clock last Friday

**found this in my "drafts"... have zero recollection of writing it, obviously it was headed somewhere awesome.

MR. A-Z

We hit up the Jason Mraz concert in September (I'm such a responsible blogger). To bring the readers up to speed on my and Jason's relationship, we met in 2004 (?) and I've served as somewhat of a muse for him ever since. This was my fourth Jason show in Boise and although it's always hard to beat the first time, this outdoor show was amazing. I have had many good times here in Boise but I have to say that some of dearest, happiest memories have been in the crowd of a Jason show. The guy and his band put on a hell of show, I love his music, I have memories attached to all his songs...be them love, heartache, laughs at the Cadet House. I will say that Jason has definitely taken a turn for the crunchier side of life and this concert was no exception. On more than one occasion he asked us to send our good vibes out into the universe, to send a message of unity to any life forms that might be listening in. Our little foursome (fivesome actually) couldn't help but send a few eyerolls skyward but all dirty hippiness aside I'll never miss a Boise Mraz show and it was amazing to have the trio (plus two) in full force. Just like 2004...

I don't know how I could ever write down how much I love both these girls. It is no exaggeration when I say that they made college for me. I can't believe that we've all three graduated, two are married and one is preggers (hence the trio plus two). Oh god, here I go: I cherish our yesterdays, our todays kick ass and I look forward to cougaring with you ladies and being the weird aunt to your kids.

things I hate

this will be posted in chapters...
CHAPTER 1
Those decals you see on the back windows of family cars which depict how many family members belong to that car, their respective sexes and ages. How any parent would want to advertise this to every creep they could possibly pass on their way to the mall is beyond me. This is sure to offend people but it's like a menu for pedophiles. Please, prove me wrong. Convince me that those stickers are a good idea.

CHAPTER 2
Few things make my heart sink faster or deeper than the sound of grocery bags in the back seat tumbling over when I make a turn over 5 mph. It only gets worse when the sound of rolling oranges follows. I once opened my car door to find that my freshly purchased gallon of milk had dramatically shifted angles, only to commit lacticide on my driveway. Have you ever hosed milk off your driveway? It's definitely a "what-am-I-doing-with-my-life" moment.

Home Repairs

We needed to replace some light bulbs but we didn't have a ladder SOOO...I got on James' shoulders and he stood on an a 5 gallon bucket. It was a trust exercise if I've ever seen one. A couple days later James awoke to the sweet sounds of a fire alarm chirping in the office at 2 AM. The office has 14' ceilings so James gathered the kitchen table, sofa table, the cooler and a milk crate and engineered them in a vertical manner so as to give his eyewitness father heart palpatations and replace the 9 volt battery. Awesome.

home sweet Raul Street

WTF blogspot?? You post the pictures in the exact reverse order that you're given them? Do you have any idea how busy I am blogspot? What am I supposed to do with this? Tell my story backwards?

Damnit. Scroll down to the picture of the cute blonde in the uhaul and follow the story upwards...

When we removed the oven knobs and handles to squeak the fridge by, we somehow compromised the entire oven's stability. I mean obviously the screws for the handles should run the entire length of the heavy door and also secure it to the frame of the actual oven. Absolutely. Nothing a little scotch tape couldn't tackle. Stay tuned for the afters!

James and I hit a real relationship milestone whilst moving in the fridge he found on craigslist. Together we engineered the hell out of this mammoth fridge, negotiating backyards, patio doors, tile floors, kitchen islands, counter tops, cabinet doors, oven knobs, doors and drawers, James' ego and my inappropriate laughter. I believe the whole ordeal clocked in just over 3 hours, ending in a lovely ceremony in which James married the fridge and house, aka they shall never be parted by man or nature. I asked James how he knew he didn't just perform a gay appliance/house ceremony and lets just say he definitely kept his laughter on the inside.

The living room (noun, place of ACTION). There was no time to get a shot of the room empty as time was of the essence while unloading the truck. James didn't want to give the house any time to change its mind. Now it would be too much work for the house to break up with us, what with our crap spread out to every available square foot. Plans for the living room? New couch, paint, a pack of pomeranians under foot and a bigger, thinner, brighter, sharper, HDier TV. James and I are prioritizing the list differently but I'm confident we can work something out.

I apologize for no photo of the outside of the house. Huge oversight on my part, I'd run outside right now but I know my flash isn't strong enough for 8:30 dawkness. But just take a look at that kitchen folks! The kitchen, living room and dining area are all one giant room at the front of the house. This kitchen makes washing dishes tolerable since one can still feel included in the ACTION instead of banished to some kind of hot, greasy dungeon where one is made to wash dishes. I made sure to take a few before shots so as to make the afters look that much better. I'm not what one would call decorationally-gifted...but I do know what looks crazy.

In the beginning, the house we had been courting (stalking) for two months finally called back. We were both excited and stunned as we both had tried to keep the house in the back of our minds. Trying to get through the day to day without daydreaming about french drains, seized disposals and furnace fans, missing pieces of rain gutter or spending $100 at Home Depot every single time we go...all the magic that occupanies home-ownership. But I'm getting side-tracked here, once the house called back things took off pretty quickly, real hot and heavy like. We all pretty much moved in together the second time I saw the house. Do I believe in love at first sight? I can't say for sure but I will tell you that I've never jumped up and down for any other front door, ever. On a sidenote, James handled the 26' Uhaul like a real pro. I have this wonderful idea that should we ever be unemployed at the same time that we'll drive truck as a couple for one year. See the USA in our Chevrolet as they say...

do you have small hands or are you just holding a big deck?

Phase 10
A card game that pits husband against wife, mother-in-law vs. son-in-law...it is a battle between and of the sexes...it is a window into the soul

- should be a requirement at every job interview

- couples should play a few games before they are allowed to marry

- should be implemented as a tool in paternity cases

- possibly the greatest card game... invented... ever...in the history of all things cards...or games

Exhibit A (I stole this from a Google Images search to protect the innocent)
A few things to note here:
1) the man is clearly in a position to cheat and has clearly been feeding those women alcohol all night
2) the presence of alcohol during any Phase 10 game is both necessary and a bad idea
3) look at the total chaos that is the discard pile...do I choose the green 11 or one of the other 9 cards that have been knocked from the top by an inebriated card toss??
4) team colors are not necessary and also a bad idea since there are no teams in Phase 10 (all alliances are secret and fleeting)
5) notice no one has laid down a phase, hence everyone is still smiling

we're moving!...somewhere?

What comes to mind when I say, "moving"? You probably flashback to the last time you moved and how totally awesome it is. Anyone who says they like moving is lying to you and you should definitely not let them babysit your kids. Anyone who says moving isn't that bad paid some poor college kids to pack up their kitchen for them. You want to hear something worse then moving? Moving in August. Not worse enough? Moving in August out of your third story apartment. Still need more proof of how bad ass I am? Moving in August, from a third story apartment, into a storage unit because I don't know where we'll be living in October. But don't misread me here, I'm not complaining. James is calling the shots but also keeping these decisions a secret. It's actually a pretty sweet little situation because I'm more of what you'd call an idea person, I'll blurt out whatever comes to mind, whereas James is methodical and enginerdy (copyright 2 seconds ago) and is able to make actual decisions about things that exist in this dimension. You need a story made up about your daughter's facial expression in a photograph? I'm on it: She and that teddy bear just walked into a surprise party, she clutches onto his arm; the bear knew all along but your daughter is both stunned and delighted to see so many people she cares about all in one place. The bear could not be more proud. Need someone to make decisions about the big picture, call James.

The truth is, James is waiting to hear back about a house he's put an offer in on but the bank (and others) are taking longer then we have time to give the process. We have to be out of our apartment by Monday but we don't want to sign another lease on an apartment should he close on the house. I discovered a couple days ago that the plan is to move in with our friend who has graciously offered up his entire house to us. I have no idea how long we'll be spending there but I feel confident that our stay won't be longer than a month (lest a pineapple be placed on our bed; look it up). Should he not get the house the plan is to rent a small, one-bedroom, dirt cheap, laughable little space. The kind of place we should have spent our college years but instead reserved it until we were both college educated and gainfully employed. We've already had one house break-up with us so we're trying to play it coy with this one. Let it know that we're interested but not that interested. But inside we just melt everytime we see it (or jump up and down like a lunatic, raving about how nice the front door is...) and at night, we lay there, clutching our phones, hoping the house will call.

I need to start dividing my clothes into "donate", "keep" and "hold on to for another year because I might wear it should the scenario in my mind ever come to pass" piles. But not before I say... blogging is hard. I have grand aspirations to post frequently but GOO there's a lot going on right now. Which is exactly why I should post. It's a vicious blog cycle.

une photo...?

**note: James is completely going to buy NCAA Football 2010 but got distracted with more responsible purchases... just wanted to throw that out there. My man is trendy AND practical!

**also, until my camera cable can be located please enjoy these stolen facebook photos!

james made me do it...

In the beginning, I was anti-blog. To some extent I still am...but then! it seemed as though everyone was blogging. People I hadn't seen in years had kindly documented their lives for ME, allowing me to compare my life to theirs from my own living room. No calling, no awkward run-ins downtown...in 2 minutes from my couch I knew where they were living, who they married, the names and personalities of their children. I really started to feel like a part of the family. Stalking, in other words.

I'm not sure when my new hobby spiraled out of control but I recall a time where I had my computer in front of me and James wanted to know "whose blog are you looking at now?" (insert that tone boys get when they clearly think girls are ridiculous) and I pretty much, uh, lied and said I was looking at my bank account. (??) What really should have tipped him off was the giggling since I very rarely find humor in my back account.

The guilt. I see you all, putting your lives out there, just wanting to share the day-to-day with people far away. How can I judge you? With your fancy custom backgrounds and your long lists of friends and your adoring fans that keep checking in for more and more of YOU. I figured, it's only fair that I open my life to your judgement and ridicule. Unfortunately I have this disorder which constantly convinces me that your grass is always greener than my little apartment-patio-joke-weed-patch. This about brings us up to speed, thanks for getting at least this far.

James has been suggesting I blog for some time now, probably since I always seem to have some fascinating story from my day with which to regale him nightly. (actually, and this is a FACT, he just wants something to keep me occupied whilst he regales himself with NCAA Football 2009*). It's true though, I seem to be quite adept at keeping myself highly entertained. I just don't know how to translate it to the blog medium. I'm still really skeptical.

But I digress, tonight after our Fiery Hawaiian pizza from Domino's (you all really need to order one right now) and completing my round of blog checks, James again asked me to start a blog. Nay, demanded I blog. Pleaded!

So here it is.
Some things you should know, before we go any further:
- I like to italicize things, a lot.
- I use ellipses...often...and inappropriately
- sometimes I like to use "me" inplace of "my", example: "have you seen me cheerios coupon?"
(yes, like a leprochan pirate...exactly) When you stumble across this here, it is never a typo
- I am not married and I don't have any kids so I'm already at a disadvantage since I have to actually think of things to write about instead of just putting up pictures attached to adorable stories...
- I do however live with my Mechanical Engineer boyfriend (of two years) James who is usually pretty good for a laugh or a judgmental eyebrow raise
- My life is at the precipice