Wednesday, August 26, 2009

do you have small hands or are you just holding a big deck?

Phase 10
A card game that pits husband against wife, mother-in-law vs. son-in-law...it is a battle between and of the sexes...it is a window into the soul

- should be a requirement at every job interview

- couples should play a few games before they are allowed to marry

- should be implemented as a tool in paternity cases

- possibly the greatest card game... invented... ever...in the history of all things cards...or games

Exhibit A (I stole this from a Google Images search to protect the innocent)
A few things to note here:
1) the man is clearly in a position to cheat and has clearly been feeding those women alcohol all night
2) the presence of alcohol during any Phase 10 game is both necessary and a bad idea
3) look at the total chaos that is the discard pile...do I choose the green 11 or one of the other 9 cards that have been knocked from the top by an inebriated card toss??
4) team colors are not necessary and also a bad idea since there are no teams in Phase 10 (all alliances are secret and fleeting)
5) notice no one has laid down a phase, hence everyone is still smiling


we're moving!...somewhere?

What comes to mind when I say, "moving"? You probably flashback to the last time you moved and how totally awesome it is. Anyone who says they like moving is lying to you and you should definitely not let them babysit your kids. Anyone who says moving isn't that bad paid some poor college kids to pack up their kitchen for them. You want to hear something worse then moving? Moving in August. Not worse enough? Moving in August out of your third story apartment. Still need more proof of how bad ass I am? Moving in August, from a third story apartment, into a storage unit because I don't know where we'll be living in October. But don't misread me here, I'm not complaining. James is calling the shots but also keeping these decisions a secret. It's actually a pretty sweet little situation because I'm more of what you'd call an idea person, I'll blurt out whatever comes to mind, whereas James is methodical and enginerdy (copyright 2 seconds ago) and is able to make actual decisions about things that exist in this dimension. You need a story made up about your daughter's facial expression in a photograph? I'm on it: She and that teddy bear just walked into a surprise party, she clutches onto his arm; the bear knew all along but your daughter is both stunned and delighted to see so many people she cares about all in one place. The bear could not be more proud. Need someone to make decisions about the big picture, call James.

The truth is, James is waiting to hear back about a house he's put an offer in on but the bank (and others) are taking longer then we have time to give the process. We have to be out of our apartment by Monday but we don't want to sign another lease on an apartment should he close on the house. I discovered a couple days ago that the plan is to move in with our friend who has graciously offered up his entire house to us. I have no idea how long we'll be spending there but I feel confident that our stay won't be longer than a month (lest a pineapple be placed on our bed; look it up). Should he not get the house the plan is to rent a small, one-bedroom, dirt cheap, laughable little space. The kind of place we should have spent our college years but instead reserved it until we were both college educated and gainfully employed. We've already had one house break-up with us so we're trying to play it coy with this one. Let it know that we're interested but not that interested. But inside we just melt everytime we see it (or jump up and down like a lunatic, raving about how nice the front door is...) and at night, we lay there, clutching our phones, hoping the house will call.

I need to start dividing my clothes into "donate", "keep" and "hold on to for another year because I might wear it should the scenario in my mind ever come to pass" piles. But not before I say... blogging is hard. I have grand aspirations to post frequently but GOO there's a lot going on right now. Which is exactly why I should post. It's a vicious blog cycle.